#117 - Tim Doyle - Why We Rush To Explain Our Lives Too Soon

We live in a world obsessed with content, and in the process, I think we've forgotten the power of storytelling. In this solo episode, I explore why we rush to explain experiences that are still unfolding, the difference between collecting and connecting the dots, and why some of the most meaningful stories in our lives require time, distance, and reflection before they can truly be understood. Ultimately, this is an exploration about meaning, transformation, and letting life breathe.

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Transcript

Tim Doyle (00:01.464)
Everything nowadays is done in the name of content. Content creator, social media content. We create something, we put it out into the world, and boom, it gets tagged with the name content. And I think an effect of that has become that storytelling in name and the art form has become a rarer and rare breed. And the supply of it has gone down.

Tim Doyle (00:34.87)
And I would say that content and our mindset behind it has become the main form of communication when we're trying to create and share our ideas and our thoughts. And we've lost touch with what it actually means to create a story and share a story with the world.

Tim Doyle (01:04.748)
And now you could s and now you could say that's just how the landscape of creation has changed over the years, and that's how technology has evolved, how we communicate with others and share our thoughts and ideas and share our stories. But I actually do think that there are some downsides to that and some dangers toward and some dangers to that. Because when we create content, when we can and it's a positive thing.

It's never been easier to take some type of idea or some type of experience from our lives, craft it into something, and put it out in the world. It's an incredible thing. But there are some downsides because that process is so quick, because you can do it literally within a moment's notice, what happens is we try to live, understand, and share.

our experiences all the same time.

Content can happen immediately. Story needs time to unfold.

Tim Doyle (02:23.95)
Content is really about what's happening. You ha something happens to you, okay, boom. What how do I feel about it in the moment? And then put it out into the real world. Story is more about, okay, what's happened or what am I going through right now? How did it make me feel? Let me reflect on that. What does it mean? How did this change me? How did this transform me? Let me take some time to digest this for myself.

And then let me craft a little bit of a deeper, longer form piece on this and then share it with the world.

Tim Doyle (03:08.258)
And I touched a little bit on this just now, but I feel like there are three phases when it comes to sharing, whether it's through content or it's whether it's through storytelling.

First, we need to live something. We need to have some type of experience. Then when we live that experience, then we reflect on it. What do we make of this? What are our thoughts? What are our ideas on it? And then after that, we create. We create some type of piece. And more times than not, it's creating a piece of content. And what we're talking about when we create a content piece of content from

Those three different phases of living, reflecting, and creating. What ends up happening is like all three of those phases have to happen simultaneously, and they all live on top of each other. When in actuality, those three components are three separate chapters that need time and space to breathe on their own, and they need our full attention. Like we need to.

fully live what we're experiencing. I'm not trying to understand what it what it's like in the moment. I'm not trying to reflect on it. I'm not trying to garner some type of insight on it right now. Like I need to just fully be within the moment and and live this rather than because I think what can also be dangerous at times is

We can, especially when it comes to our, you know, our problems or our struggles or our, you know, our stresses that we're dealing with in real time. We we can see those things as, this would be good content. This would be good stuff to share right now of like, like I'm really struggling right now. And we do it in the name of, you know, being vulnerable or being real. And I do think that that can be true to a degree, but I also do think it can be dangerous at times where, like I'm saying, hey, like

Tim Doyle (05:09.986)
Just live this. J just be present for yourself rather than needing to expose this to the world.

Tim Doyle (05:32.268)
And I think a large reason for why we do this

And I think a large reason for why we do this or why we're so quick to share is because of our

Tim Doyle (05:47.085)
And I think a large reason for why we do this and why we're so quick to share is just the way that we've been wired nowadays, when it comes to the feedback that you can get, the results that you can get, the the praise, the immediacy, the the validation in real time of going through some type of experience and sharing it in real time and then getting those likes or comments or views and it feels good.

But you're missing out on the deeper message or the deeper story that can be created after that. Or you're missing out on just like

I guess the way that I see it is like storytelling or good storytelling is actually about staying quiet or being quiet for a given amount of time where you're just focused on not telling anything. You're focused on living. You're focusing on experiencing and feeling in the moment. And then you know that you will ultimately get to a point where, okay, let me step back and actually craft.

What I want to share with the world on certain experiences.

Tim Doyle (07:08.398)
Она май фейвр квот.

Is from Steve Jobs and it's from the 2005 commencement speech that he gave at Stanford University. And it's it's a quote that he's become well known for. You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. And it honestly feels like when it comes to content, we're asking ourselves to connect the dots in real time.

We're asking ourselves to live and experience something and then reflect and understand the the greater appreciation or the greater insight from it in real time. But that's not how this works. You can't connect dots.

Tim Doyle (08:03.372)
You can't connect and collect dots at the same time. Those are two completely separate processes. You have to collect dots and then, as Steve Jobs is saying here, you need to live your life and then reflect back on how you can collect them. And the reason why that is also is because you need to collect future dots to then become informed on how the current dots that you have within your life right now unfold.

Tim Doyle (08:44.524)
And just to hash out what it exactly it means to collect dots versus collecting dots. And and just to hash out what this truly means between collecting dots versus connecting dots and what the differentiation there. Collecting dots is simply just living, experiencing, gathering data points for yourself. And that can take an extended period of time. And then connecting the dots.

Understanding, perspective, meaning, crafting that story.

Tim Doyle (09:23.808)
I recently did this podcast interview with a group of kids from my college. They had me on and they were interviewing me and they were asking me questions about, you know, my past experiences, which I'll get into a little here, whether it's, you know, professionally with the podcast or just other life experiences that I have. And it was all about connecting the dots. And the way that I spoke on it, the way that I reflected on it.

I wouldn't have been able to do that two or three years ago, or four or five years ago. It would have been a much different conversation.

Tim Doyle (10:25.377)
And where this whole idea really and where this whole idea was really born for me about this differentiation between content versus storytelling and why storytelling feels like it's kind of like a lost art and we all just focus on this this phrase and this medium of content creation really stemmed from my back pain issues that I dealt with a while ago.

in the subsequent podcast series that I created on it. And I was reflecting like if I created content in real time while I was going through all those things.

All I would be able to create or all the insights that I'd be sharing were just like, man, I'm in a lot of pain. I'm in a lot of pain. I I just continue to be in pain. This sucks. You know, I you know, I d I don't know how long this is gonna go on for. This is really, really tough. And then ultimately being able to get to one day and being like, I finally found what what's helping me. But it would just stay so you know, focused on.

In on the moment, I would only be able to, I'd be so consumed by the experience while I was living it. And going back to what I was saying earlier, I'd be living, reflecting, and trying to share all simultaneously. And you need to have space between all three of those things. So when I was going through my back problems, it was just like, man, I just need to live this. Like I'm just like deep into this. And I understood.

This is a part that I actually had shared within my podcast series. Early on in the experience, when I was dealing with everything, you know, I said like, this is gonna be a hell of a story. Didn't mean I was like sharing anything in real time. And I understood it was like, there's gonna be, you're gonna get to a day where you're gonna share this entire experience. I don't know when that day will be, but there's a story unfolding here.

Tim Doyle (12:35.841)
And so

While I was going through it when I started getting better, that was March, April of 2021. I didn't share my podcast mini-series on my chronic back problems until January of 2024. I needed that time to be able to digest this and understand this for myself and reflect and see.

you know, how things unfolded for me and see the transformation and the evolution that I went through as a person and then being able to share that. And what I learned most from that is that I was giving people hope. The story gave people hope. If I was sharing in real time, it would have simply just been like, Yeah, I'm dealing with that too. I I feel your pain because I'm feeling that as well.

So people would have been able to relate to me, but that's simply all that would have come from that. But by sharing my story and almost sharing it like a hero's journey about here's what I went through, but here's the the deeper emotion and understanding of this entire experience. Wasn't that just people were able to relate to me, but getting messages like you, you gave me hope. You you showed me that.

There is a path through this pain that I can get through too.

Tim Doyle (14:12.759)
Another example. That was the chronic back pain was a big one. Another example of, you know, how our perception changes between how we understand things in the moment versus

after a given amount of time has passed. My first job out of college was working in commercial real estate in New York City. In the moment. More t days than not, more experiences than not. I was like, man, this isn't the work for me. I'm wasting my time here. I hate this. Dreaded a lot of days. I was like, man, like you're just just feels like you're staying stagnant here.

You're wasting your time here. I did actually end up quitting that job after a couple years. Felt like enough time had passed where I was like, all right, like it it's time. But the way that I reflected back on that job, and pretty quickly on reflecting like back on that job, like once I got my second job, like the way that I was able to reflect back, and I was like, Man, that was the perfect job that I needed.

I created such a strong foundation with the skills that I built, the discipline, the tenacity, being able to work in that type of environment. And I was incredibly grateful for it. And that is deep within the fabric of how I work. And is so many skills that I built there have helped me in so many different ways, especially when it comes to podcasting as well. And it just shows.

How we share in the moment, what we think of the moment.

Tim Doyle (15:55.704)
Going to be far different than how we think or share when we actually allow ourselves to just simply live those things and then reflect reflect back and talk in them. Another incredible example that I can give to build off of those two and give it a little bit of a different nuance. So about this time, a little over a year ago, I got laid off from a job. And

It's pretty funny, like the way that I describe it is it was a blessing not in disguise. Like pretty early on, almost like in the moment, I was like, you know what? I think this is a good thing that's happened here. I've become like a little complacent, I've become a little comfortable. I had known that, hey, this isn't a long term or a you know, place to be, or this isn't like a growth phase. This is kind of just a I'm just kind of here phase.

And so I knew that okay, being laid off, it was kind of ripping the band-aid, it was a good thing. But with that being said,

It did leave me for a couple months when I was in an in-between phase, it did leave me kind of in a funk. Didn't feel good. Was in a weird routine that I didn't like.

Tim Doyle (17:20.117)
And so those dots going back to you know collecting dots versus connecting dots, those dots in the moment was like, I don't like this. I don't like these dots in my life right now. But with that being said, again, I had had data and evidence in the past now of both with commercial real estate, that job, but even more importantly, my entire chronic back experience. I knew.

that the way that I saw those dots in the moment would change the way that I saw them in the future when I was reflecting back.

Tim Doyle (18:02.701)
And that especially comes from my chronic back pain. Why I'm saying that is because like in the moment for those seven months, I was like, man, this sucks.

Tim Doyle (18:13.933)
I was like, man, this sucks. These are the worst days of my entire life.

Tim Doyle (18:23.735)
But in the long term, and reflecting back and seeing how things have un unfolded for me, I'm like, Man, those are the most beautiful

Transformative months of my entire life and nothing comes close. And so the type of energy that I've been able to carry with me, especially in these months that I'm tell telling you when I got laid off, I was like, how can I keep a bad perception of things if I know how things can alchemize and shift as time goes on? And it's a beautiful thing that you can carry with you throughout your life.

Tim Doyle (19:13.099)
And now tying this back more closely into this relationship between stories and content because you could probably ask me like, Okay, w well why do you think stories are so important? Or, you know, why do we need this?

Because stories create change.

Tim Doyle (19:35.725)
Content to a large degree. I think content can, you know, spark some change within you, maybe in the moment.

But I don't know if content can really stick with you for an extended period of time. Or I don't think it can create sort of that long-term shift or change within you to actually create some type of movement within your life.

Content, what do we say? Short form content. So it feels like a short form change or a short form spark within you. Story though.

story, I think, really has the potential to create change within you. And the reason why that is, is because

When story is done right, it gets you in touch with your feeling side and your feeling self.

Tim Doyle (20:31.818)
Because I think when

Tim Doyle (20:36.104)
wanna create change, you need to change the way that people think. And the way that you change

Tim Doyle (20:44.81)
Because I think when you wanna create change, you gotta change the way people think.

And to change the way people think, you gotta change that the way that they feel. And that's what story can do for people. And like I said, story can give people hope. And hope sticks with you. Especially when you're in a tough situation, when you really don't have any evidence or belief that things can get better. Hope is the main thing that you're trying to find. And you can find that within a story.

Tim Doyle (21:48.33)
And another thing that is crucial to this is just the it's the time component.

Story needs time to unfold. Content rushes that entire process.

Tim Doyle (22:03.292)
And just another big component to emphasize is t is the time. Story needs time to unfold.

Content rushes that entire process. We rush to explain the experiences that are still unfolding real time. We share we have the real potential to share half bake.

Tim Doyle (22:29.952)
We have the we have the potential to share half baked understandings or reflections of what we're going through.

And what we lose out is on that deeper understanding of the story behind what you're going through.

Tim Doyle (22:50.08)
What I've always said is we all have a story that lives within us that the world can benefit from hearing.

But you gotta allow the living to happen first.

You gotta allow the living for yourself. You gotta allow that story to to live within you first. You gotta understand that story for yourself before you can share it with the real world.

Tim Doyle (23:20.46)
Now I'm not saying that you can't share content. Content's a powerful form of communication. It can definitely be a life changing thing when you can create content that really helps people or inspires people.

But maybe not everything needs to be content immediately. Maybe some of your experiences deserve more time to just stay within you.

Maybe life needs room to breathe on certain things.

Tim Doyle (23:57.248)
We all have a story that's unfolding right in front of our eyes. And let yourself live it before you tell anyone about it.